Sunday, July 29, 2012

Today I cleaned up many messes made by the kids.  For once I was not angry or frustrated.  My perspective has been changed.  I just experienced the worst day of my life yesterday.  We were swimming at the Somerset pool.  I was visiting with nana and holding Teagan.  Tim and the kids got out to rest in the sun and eat some grapes.  They were out of the water for a few minutes when Tim said, “there are Xadia’s floaties, where is Xadia?”  There in the pool was her floating body.  Tim jumped in and pulled her out.  Her eyes were rolled back.  Her lips and fingers and toes were blue.  She was unresponsive.  Immediately Tim performed CPR.  I said a prayer in my heart pleading with Heavenly Father that Xadia will live and not have any defects from lack of oxygen.  After about 30 seconds of CPR, she started coughing up water and crying.  It was a huge sigh of relief.  But then she wanted to fall asleep.  We did all that we could to keep her awake.  The paramedics came and took her and Tim to primary children’s hospital.  I sat in a pool side chair crying.  I felt like the worst mother ever.  It never should have gotten to the point where Xaida was unconscious.  I failed at protecting and caring for my daughter.  Deb (nana Hefner) tried comforting me.  A woman from the pool said she would put Xadia’s name in the temple.  I felt a little better.  I was relying heavily upon God for support.  I wanted my little girl to be ok and to have a happy and full life.  I was not ready to bury her.  As I drove Deb and the rest of the kids to Deb’s house Jacinda asked if we could say a prayer.  I am so grateful that a 7-year-old knows the power of prayer and that God does listen.  I said, “yes, I would love to say it.” So in front of nana’s yard I said a prayer.  As soon as it ended McCabe said, “mom, stop crying.”  Oh to have the faith or the ignorance of a 5-year-old would be bliss but I was too overwhelmed with the situation.  I gave everyone a kiss and headed home to get some clothes and then to the hospital. 

                As I was driving down 400 North, I was singing, “I Am a Child of God.” I got really chocked up with the part of “lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way.”  Again I said a prayer and I had a feeling that Xadia was going to be alright.  However, I had issues with my parenting.  Again, I attacked myself for lack of supervision.  At the hospital, Xadia was watching Dora the Explorer in a big hospital bed.  The doctor said her lactic acid level was above 4 which meant there was some serious activity going on.  He wanted to keep her overnight to make sure that she did not develop pneumonia because there was some water in her lungs.

                Tim had given her 2 priesthood blessings in the ambulance.  I knew the power of the priesthood was in effect and again felt peace and comfort.  I spent the night with Xadia.  I slept next to her.  It was comforting to watch her breathe, to feel her warmth, and to feel her occasional twitching.  By the time morning arrived, she was back to her feisty self, giving orders and wanting things her way.  The family came and we ate breakfast in the cafeteria.  The kids had donuts, eggs, bacon, and ice cream (I know that will not happen again).  As we walked out of the hospital, there was a fountain falling into a pond.  I was worried that Xadia would be traumatized by water, but she just smiled and said, “water,” in a very happy voice.  On the way home, Xadia was talking and being her cute self. 

                I am so grateful for the powers of Heaven.  If for one moment you don’t think that the Lord is not involved in every detail of your life, you are sorely mistaken.  He lives and loves us.  If we are faithful he blesses us with His tender mercies.  I cannot thank God enough for all that he does for me.  I am forever an indebted servant.